ICAATS

What’s funny about child-related household problems is that you will always find two characters in the scenario: a victim and a person getting blamed by the victim. The irony in these scenarios is that those who usually play the victim are the actual culprits while those getting blamed for the problem in the first place are usually the true victims.

Kids have this fondness of playing the role of the victim when they get into trouble. This is a characteristic or practice that children with bad, obnoxious or abusive behavior show to justify their actions. Parenting coaches and child therapists generally like to call this characteristic or practice as The Victim Stance.

This dangerous child practice or characteristic - the victim stance - is definitely not a good thing. It can become an opportunity for your child to induce and promote his/her bad, obnoxious and abusive behavior. What is disturbing about this predicament is that children tend to always see themselves as the victim in any situation. And as victims, they will always be ready to support their claim by providing sad stories.

Part of these prepared sad stories is who they blame for the problem or feeling of inadequacy. Kids stick to their sad story and blame somebody else. Children with bad, obnoxious or abusive behavior find it easier to put the blame on others for their shortcomings or faults compared to assuming and taking the responsibility.

Avoiding responsibilities is what drives these kids to put the blame on others and continue the whole victim stance. Children learn that if they will stick to their story for a good enough time they eventually won’t be held accountable for the problem. You, as a parent, should break this habit. You need to tell your child that he/she is responsible and that he/she is not a victim.

There are always two stories you can possibly encounter when you deal with kids who show bad, obnoxious and abusive behavior: the sad story and the behavior story. The sad story is the part that tries to explain or puts forward ideas about what happened to the child. On the other hand, the behavior story explains what this child did to other people or what the child did to property. Parents need to focus on the behavior story and not on the sad story.

When kids start to think that they are victims they also develop the mentality that they have the right to victimize others because of the things done to them. This behavior is intolerable and parents need to discipline their obnoxious and abusive child to stop playing the victim. Tolerating this behavior in children lets them take the opportunity to manipulate the situation into their favor. The child does this by telling the sad story instead of explaining the behavior story. When parents focus on the sad story, it exaggerates the right of the child playing the victim stance to hurt other people.